Man pressures wife to have a baby, despite her insisting she’s child-free, she gives in but resents him: “This is not the life I wanted”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 15, 2025 12:00 PM EST

When it comes to having children, it's always easier for the man to make erratic or spontaneous decisions. He doesn't have to carry the child, and there are a slew of social pressures that are detached from his sense of responsibility as well. For women, there's a lot more to think about. Even if it's not obvious or inherent, there's a huge social stigma around mothers and their children. The idea of being a mother means you sacrifice everything and anything for your child, that you always put them first, and that you almost lose your sense of self to their identity, and the identity of being a mother. Meanwhile the husband gets to work all day and has less pressure, not to mention the physical responsibilities. 

In this story, the protagonist is a woman who never wanted children. She always told her husband she didn't want kids, but over time he wanted them more and more. She eventually gave in, and now regrets it. Though she loves her child, she can't help feeling like this isn't the life she wanted. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for being resentful toward my husband after he pressured me into having a baby I didn’t want?

    "I feel trapped in a role I didn't ask for"
    via dashapetrenkophotos / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (31F) have been married to my husband (33M) for six years. Before we got married, we had a clear agreement that we weren't going to have kids. I've never wanted to be a parent, and I thought he felt the same.
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 03
    About two years ago, he started changing his mind. At first, it was little comments like, "Wouldn't it be fun to have a little one running around?" Then it turned into serious conversations where he said he couldn't imagine his life without being a dad. I told him I still didn't want kids, but he
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 04
    kept saying, "You'd be such a great mom!" or "You might feel differently once it's your own."
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 05
    Eventually, I gave in. I figured maybe he was right, and I didn't want to lose my marriage over this. Now we have a 7-month-old baby, and while I love my child, I can't shake the feeling that this life isn't what I wanted.
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 06
    I'm constantly exhausted, my career has taken a backseat, and I feel trapped in a role I didn't ask for. My husband, on the other hand, is thriving. He loves being a dad but works long hours, leaving most of the parenting to me.
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 07
    Recently, I told him I'm struggling and feel like I was pressured into this. He got upset and said I was being unfair because I "agreed" to have the baby. He thinks I just need to adjust and stop dwelling on what I wanted before.
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 08
    I feel guilty for feeling this way, and I don't want my child to ever feel unloved. But I can't help but resent my husband for pushing me into something I was so clear about not wanting. AITAH?
    via u/throwaway32974629364
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10454220800
    via capturenow

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Realistic-Animator-3 Daycare for the baby and get your career back on track. He loves being a dad because he isn't home most of the time and nothing has changed concerning his career. His days are basically
    via u/Realistic-Animator-3
  • 11
    the same as before the baby, with the exception of whatever time he spends with the child. He got what he wanted, has little change in his routine, job unaffected, and doesn't seem to care how you feel. NTA, but resentment will eat you alive. Take back your life and what you wanted for it.
    via u/Realistic-Animator-3
  • 12
    kg_sm "Leaving most of the parenting to me." It's the reason a growing # of women don't want kids while men still more frequently do. I'm fearful if this situation myself OP,
    via u/kg_sm
  • 13
    All the guys I know think they'll be these great dads taking on an equal responsibility, and I think they mean it.
    via u/kg_sm
  • 14
    The women I know, we just don't see it. While not a universal truth, we grew up seeing our moms give more, in ways that are often hard to describe like the cognitive and emotional load, and we're whether explicitly or - in-explicitly-trained to follow in this footsteps.
    via u/kg_sm
  • 15
    When talking to my guy friends it's often 'well I'm going to do 50% of the chores and stuff of course.' I think they will. And then I ask about what about the newborn phase? And they go, 'of course I'll still do 50%!' like it's a positive thing. And to me, it's an
    via u/kg_sm
  • 16
    indicator that for the woman it won't feel like enough. After birth, I'm going to need you to do 80 - 100% of the chores to feel like it's equal. I'm breastfeeding, exhausted, and recovering from childbirth. I'm also. scared that to many men,
    via u/kg_sm
  • 17
    50% of chores is only visualized as 50% of physical chores like dishes and not planning or scheduling or seeing breastfeeding as a chore.
    via u/kg_sm
  • 18
    When I hear men talk about kids it's about how cute it will be to have a little one running around. Taking them to sports. Or gymnastics etc. it's romanticized. When I hear women talk about it, it's about how much work it will be, the costs, the career setback.
    via u/kg_sm
  • 19
    A lot of men just don't seem to know the true workload in child raising nor expect to be doing most of it. And I think that difference is scaring off women plus the additional fear of pregnancy.
    via u/kg_sm
  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10454221312
    via RyanKing999

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    HoshiJones I'm so sorry you gave in. Now it's up to you to demand he take on his share of the parenting. Tell him you're no longer going to neglect your career, and he's going to have to make some sacrifices for the child he wanted.
    via u/HoshiJones
  • 22
    NTA. I would be wild with resentment in your place.
    via u/HoshiJones
  • 23
    Andromeda081 People who long to have children are not compatible with people who never want children. They flat-out, irreconcilably, are not compatible. It's a bigger issue than money, career, extended family, personality, religious, or other issues.
    via u/Andromeda081
  • 24
    You tried to keep a fundamentally incompatible partner by having a child you did not want, and as a result are not fulfilled by motherhood. There's resentment brewing. He isn't changing his schedule to be near the child more and support you. He brushes off
    via u/Andromeda081
  • 25
    your concerns and guilt trips you. It's possible he always wanted a child, and pretended to compromise on the issue in order to keep you, hoping you'd change your mind some day or feel differently.
    via u/Andromeda081
  • 26
    So, you both forced a non- negotiable incompatibility. The difference between you, however, is that he got his way, hasn't changed to see the child more or support you more, and is not grateful for the compromise YOU made.
    via u/Andromeda081

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